What is Your
EMOTIONAL I.Q.
It takes more than academic
smarts to
be a success
Condensed from "EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE”
DANIEL GOLEMAN
IT WAS A STEAMY AFTERNOON in
Contrast him with Jason, a straight-A student
at a
How could someone of obvious intelligence do
something
so irrational? The answer is that high I.Q. does not necessarily
predict who
will succeed in life. Psychologists agree that I.Q. contributes only
about 20
percent of the factors that determine success. A full So
percent comes from other factors, including what I call emotional
intelligence.
Following are some of the major qualities
that make up
emotional intelligence, and how they can be developed:
1. Self-awareness. The ability to recognize a
feeling
as it happens is the keystone of emotional intelligence. People with
greater
certainty about their emotions are better pilots of their lives.
Developing self-awareness requires tuning in
to what
neurologist Antonio Damasio, in his book Descartes’ Error, calls “somatic
markers”—literally, gut feelings. Gut feelings can occur without a
person being
consciously aware of them. For example, when people who fear snakes are
shown a
picture of a snake, sensors on their skin will detect sweat, a sign of anxiety, even though the people say they do not
feel fear.
The sweat shows up even when a picture is presented so rapidly that the
subject
has no conscious awareness of seeing it.
Through deliberate effort we can become more
aware of
our gut feelings. Take someone who is annoyed by a rude encounter for
hours
after it occurred. He may be oblivious to his irritability and
surprised when
someone calls attention to it. But if he evaluates his feelings, he can
change
them.
Emotional self-awareness is the building
block of the
next fundamental of emotional intelligence: being able to shake off a
bad mood.
2. Mood Management. Bad as well as good moods
spice
life and build character. The key is balance. We often have little
control over
when we are swept by emotion. But we can have some say in how long that
emotion
will last. Psychologist Dianne Tice of
The
more you stew, the angrier you get. Such is the stuff of hypertension
and
reckless driving.
What should you do to relieve rage? One myth
is that
ventilating will make you feel better. In fact, researchers have found
that’s
one of the worst strategies. Outbursts of rage pump up the brain’s
arousal
system, leaving you more angry, not less.
A more effective technique is “refraining,”
which
means consciously reinterpreting a situation in a more positive light.
In the
case of the driver who cuts you off, you might tell yourself: Maybe he had some emergency. This is one
of the most potent ways, Tice found, to put anger to rest.
Going off alone to cool down is also an
effective way
to defuse anger,
especially if you
can’t think clearly. Tice found that a large proportion of men cool
down by
going for a drive—a finding that inspired her to drive more
defensively. A
safer alternative is exercise, such as taking a long walk. Whatever you
do,
don’t waste the time pursuing your train of angry thoughts. Your aim
should be
to distract yourself.
The techniques of refraining and distraction
can
alleviate depression and anxiety as well as anger. Add to them such
relaxation
techniques as deep breathing and meditation and you have an arsenal of
weapons
against bad moods. “Praying,” Dianne Tice also says, “works for all
moods.”
3. Self-motivation. Positive motivation—the
marshaling
of feelings of
enthusiasm, zeal and
confidence—is paramount for achievement. Studies of Olympic athletes,
world-class musicians and chess grandmasters show that their common
trait is
the ability to motivate themselves to
pursue
relentless training routines.
To motivate yourself
for any
achievement requires clear goals and an optimistic, can-do attitude.
Psychologist Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania advised
the
MetLife insurance company to hire a special group of job applicants who
tested
high on optimism, although they had failed the normal aptitude test,
Compared
with salesmen who passed the aptitude test but scored high in
pessimism, this
group made 21 percent more sales in their first year and 57 percent
more in
their second.
A pessimist is likely to interpret rejection
as
meaning I’m a failure; I’ll never make a sale. Optimists tell
themselves, I’m
using the wrong approach, or That customer
was in a
bad mood. By blaming failure on the situation, not themselves,
optimists are motivated to make that next call. Your predisposition to
a
positive or negative outlook may be inborn, but with effort and
practice,
pessimists can learn to think more hopefully. Psychologists have
documented
that if you can catch negative, self-defeating
thoughts
as they occur, you can reframe the situation in less catastrophic
terms.
4. Impulse Control. The essence of emotional
self-regulation is the ability to delay impulse in the service of a
goal. The
importance of this trait to success was shown in an experiment begun in
the
1960s by psychologist Walter Mischel at a
preschool
on the
Children were told that they could have a
single
treat, such as a marshmallow, right now. However, if they would wait
while the
experimenter ran an errand, they could have two marshmallows. Some
preschoolers
grabbed the marshmallow immediately, but others were able to wait what,
for
them, must have seemed an endless 20 minutes. To sustain themselves in
their
struggle, they covered their eyes so they wouldn’t see the temptation,
rested
their heads on their arms, talked to themselves, sang, even
tried to sleep. These plucky kids got the two-marshmallow reward.
The interesting part of this experiment came
in the
follow-up. The children who as four-year-olds had been able to wait for
the two
marshmallows were, as adolescents, still able to delay gratification in
pursuing
their goals. They were more socially competent and self-assertive, and
better
able to cope with life’s frustrations. In contrast, the kids who
grabbed the
one marshmallow were, as adolescents, more likely to be stubborn,
indecisive
and stressed.
The ability to resist impulse can he
developed through
practice. When you’re faced with an immediate temptation, remind
yourself of
your long-term goals—whether they be losing weight or getting a medical
degree.
You’ll find it easier, then, to keep from settling for the single
marshmallow.
5. People Skills. The capacity to know how
another
feels is important on the job, in romance and friendship, and in the
family. We
transmit and catch moods from each other on a subtle, almost
imperceptible
level. The way someone says thank you, for instance, can leave us
feeling
dismissed, patronized or genuinely appreciated. The more adroit we are
at
discerning the feelings behind other people’s signals, the better we
control
the signals we send.
The importance of good interpersonal skills
was
demonstrated by psychologists Robert Kelley of Carnegie-
What accounted for the difference? The standout performers had a network with a wide range of people. When a non-star encountered a technical problem, Kelley observed, “he called various technical gurus and then waited, wasting time while his calls went unreturned. Star performers rarely faced such situations because they built reliable networks before they needed them. So when the stars called someone, they almost always got a faster answer. No matter what their I.Q., once again it was emotional intelligence that separated the stars from the average performers.
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